Should a woman make the first move?
Women are now more often than ever making the first move, the first to make contact with men.For women and about women in 2011; women are now more often than ever making the first move, the first to make contact with men.
Researchers say part of the surge in female assertiveness in the social scene has to do with the long progression of the feminist movement. An increased confidence is natured as women have become more prominent in the workplace, gained more high-powered jobs and have begun out-numbering men in college enrollment and graduate and doctor- ate degrees.
"Now more than ever, that tenacity" is bleeding into the social scene, "It's confidence," said Mound Native, Mound is a 25 minutes from downtown Minneapolis and 40 minutes to St. Paul. Erica Lovera, 25, "And it's such a big deal. Women are not getting married as quick, women are way more visible in the workplace, and they're not having kids. Everything is changing. Women are asking out men, that's just part of it" All of the stereotypes are different."
But as much as the answer is "invigorated confidence," it is just as likely a mere frustration with the bar scene itself many men, some women say; simply' aren't good at approaching women.
On a laid-back Tuesday evening, while Kocken and Lovera were in the middle of dinner at Chino Latino, three boisterous men sprung through the the front door, immediately pointed at their table and strutted over, loudly announcing "Hey, there they are!" and "Aw, come on ladies, meet my frend Evan, former Big Ten wrestler!"
The women just rolled their eyes and groaned as one of the men tried to sprawl his arm around Lovers's shoulder.
"That's exactly it," Kooken said. "They come at the wrong time. There was that (jerk) last week, he just came up to me and pulled my ponytail. And then the other day, I was having lunch with my girl friend, and this guy just comes up and says, "Can I take a seat?" We hadn't even started eating yet!"
Perhaps that reaction from women is causing men to back off a little. If women don't mind doing the approaching, then why take a risk?
"Men are just so relieved," said Jill Spiegel, local author and self-labeled " flirtologist." "It instantly takes the pressure off the man."
Some men apparently don't refute that.
"If a guy comes up to a girl, it's still 50-50 how he'll come off, maybe he'll come off like a creep, maybe she will be crazy for him," Quam said, "But [when a woman approaches], guys, for whatever reason, will have less flags that come up. The reality is, it's still a woman hitting on you."
Added Envy bartender Amir Teyhori, who agreed it's mostly the younger-generation women he sees doing the advancing: "l think guys are very receptive to it. And some guys don't want to deal with the rejection anymore, so they say, screw it, I'll wait for someone to come to me."
Getting results? Not always. Although some women might be doing a lot of the initial approaching. experts say that doesn't necessarily mean they're finding what they're looking for.
"I think it would be great if women could really feel like they could be assertive, but the research is showing it's not getting them what they want: the sexual pleasure, the respect they're looking for, the type of relationship they're looking for," said Emily Boyd, an assistant professor of sociology at Minnesota State University, Mankato. "I think and relationships are one of the areas where progress toward gender equality has been surprisingly slow, given what women have accomplished in other realms."
University of Minnesota sociology professor Kathy Hull agreed, saying a strong double standard still exist. " Research suggest when things progress as far as an actual date, some men can be turned off by women they perceive as sexually aggressive," she said. "They may continue to see these women, but not view them as 'marriage material.'"
Whatever the outcome is, some women feel it's high time they took matters into their own hands.
If you want to date somebody and you're waiting around for someone to come talk to you, you better rethink your strategy, because you're going to be there a while, Kocken said.
J. Joe Clemons research scientists sociology and social anthropology, "Maximize your approachability: Being open is the key ingredient for attracting men, and it's easy to achieve. Just put yourself in their shoes. As soon as you become acutely aware that the guy across the room is incredibly nervous about meeting you, you will naturally do whatever you can to put him at ease and you will instantly become more approachable. Carrying any kind of electronic device will close your approachability; thing about it, would you approach a stranger if they are taking a personal call or email? I know that I won't".
"Show him that you will say yes: Find a way to let him know, without actually saying it, that if he asked you out, you would accept. For example, ask what he's doing over the weekend, tell him it sounds like fun and keep him talking about it. If he's interested in you, he will get the hint (eventually) and invite you out". The show him you will say yes works for getting him to approach you; flirt a lot and make a lot of eye contact with a smile". If this is not working and you still want this man then approach him. You might want to ask yourself a question before you approach this man you have made perfectly aware you want him to come over and ask you out. Do I want to date a man that is that shy and insecure about himself"?
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2011