How You can Deepen Your Relationship by Knowing When and How to Take the Lead.

Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women

Question: Guys, how would you rate your current sex life?

      It's a A: ...........................................16 percent
      It's a B:  ........................................... 28 percent
      It's a C:  ........................................... 24 percent
      It's a D:  ........................................... 14 percent
      It's a E: ............................................. 18 percent

   If you're shocked by the above statistics, well, I'm not surprised. Aren't all guys just happy to get some? Isn't sex to a man like leftovers to a dog - we don't care if it's Chick-fil-A or filet mignon? Clearly, that assumption is wrong. Fifty-six percent of the men we polled rated their sex lives as no better than a C. Out of 2,500 men, that's 1,400 who find their bedroom action unsatisfying - surely all of them can't be dating Dame Edna.

What's going on here?

   The men I've spoken with - through the Men, Love & Sex poll, through my work at Men's Health, and in my thirty-some years of listening to other guys - all seem to have one desire: They all wish their girlfriends or wives would turn the bedroom into a Sadie Hawkins dance once in a while.

   On a scale of 1 to 10 (with a 1 being an anesthetized surgical patient and a 10 being a coked-up rocker), men rate the sexual aggressiveness of their current or most recent wife or girlfriend as a 5. What do we want? According to our poll, it's an 8. Add in the fact that when men rate their common theme stands out: She takes charge. Take these guys as examples:

Andy, 31, a Web designer in California, says the best sex he ever had was when his girlfriend at the times steered the entire sexual situation - even though it involved her much more than it involved him. "She spontaneously masturbated in front of me, and she didn't let me touch her or get myself undressed," Andy says. "She asked me to tell her that she was turning me on (and she was!) so as I told her how sexy she was, she came closer and closer until she finally did shudder to an orgasm."

   John, a 27-year-old law student in Georgia, says that he's turned on by the fact that his girlfriend's aggressiveness in bed is a little bit like a man's. "Recently I came home and she was dressed like the innocent school girl. Skirt, glasses, stockings - the whole look," he says. "She took control of me rode me over and over until she had an orgasm. God., do I love it. The sex is great."

Kyle, 38, who's been married for four years, says that aggressiveness isn't necessarily about being kinky or crazy or doing anything that the woman's uncomfortable with. He say, "One time, my wife seduced me first by phone, while I was at work, just by telling me that she couldn't wait for me to get home. Then when I walked in, she had left me a note at the table to 'get comfortable and come to bed,' where she was waiting. Then we had some awesome sex."

   Joseph, 31, who's been married for five years, says he best time came when his wife took the lead through the whole session. "I came home from work and the lights were low and music was playing and my wife was dressed in lingerie," he says. "She met me at the door and we kissed and touched each other all over and then she pulled me on top of her and grabbed my butt and tried to pull me in deep as she groaned, and then we both had an orgasm and fell asleep."

But you're probably thinking: Don't men like to take the lead? Doesn't it excite a man to feel like he's in control? Wouldn't most guys prefer throwing the touchdowns to kicking the extra points? To which I would respond: Brad and Angelina. If they're the universally accepted sexiest couple in the world, then I ask you: Who do you think gives the orders in bed?

   Exactly.

   Men like to think of themselves as the hunters. But we don't necessarily want to be hunting possum, and we sure don't want you to roll over and play dead: we'd rather feel like the hunt was between two creatures of equal sexual power, and that once we have you in our sights, you'll be just as aggressive as we are. We want you to "meet our urgency," as Bruce Springsteen might have put it. You have the ability to recharge us, sexually - in the form of assertiveness, seduction, and, dare I say it, even a little nagging. Touch me here. Clothes off. Get on top of me. Again. Now.

That's the kind of ordering around no man will every get tired of hearing.

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Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women

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