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One of the most common questions I get is; "what do I say when I first approach the Opposite sex?" It has been my experience that 80% of the time a none original "Hi. How are you doing?" followed by "My name is Joe. What is your name" after she or he answers the question, works most the time.
Science research tells us also that 90% of all couples started with a very standard greeting / opening line. I know there are a lot of people that have no Social Science education, trying to convince you that you need to say some special words to make things happen. What is far more important than the words you use, is how confident and fearless in your approach and greeting you are for the guys. Girls, flirt first, make eye contact, smile, and if he does not approach you, approach him.
There are a lot of articles on this web site giving you many ideas of what to say / opening lines when you first meet him or her. Just remember this; questions are better than statements 70% of the time. A statement with a question works well. If you start with the greeting above you have their name. "Abbey, you look great in that skirt. What is your secret to looking so good?" "Tom, you have a great smile. Do you have any secrets to looking so good?"
The following is a very well written article by one of the world' s top communication experts Leil Lowndes, Ph. D., she has written many bestselling books. And if you take the time to read one her books, you will quickly see why they become best sellers. The story she is telling is to make a point about unoriginal remarks / opening lines. Samuel I. Hayakawa was a college president, U.S. senator, and brilliant linguistic analyst of Japanese origin. Understanding he is Japanese during World War 2, and how poorly people of Japanese origin where treated then is something you need to picture in your mind as this story is told.
This story shows us the value of, "unoriginal remarks / opening lines."
Leil Lowndes Ph. D.: In early 1943 - after the attack on Pearl Harbor at a time when there were rumors of Japanese spies - Hayakawa had to wait several hours in a railroad station in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. He noticed others waiting in the station were staring at him suspiciously. Because of the war, they were apprehensive about his presence. He later wrote, "One couple with a small child was staring with special uneasiness and whispering to each other."
So what did Hayakawa do? He made unoriginal remarks to set them at ease. He said to the husband that it was too bad the train should be late on a cold night. The man agreed.
"I went on, " Hayakawa wrote, "to remark that it must be especially difficult to travel with a small child in winter when train schedules were so uncertain. Again the husband agreed. I then asked the child' s age and remarked that their child looked very big and strong for his age. Again agreement, this time with a slight smile. The tension was relaxing."
After two or three more exchanges, the man asked Hayakawa, "I hope you don' t mind my bringing it up, but you' re Japanese, aren't you? Do you think the Japs have any chance of winning this war?"
"Well, " Hayakawa replied, "your guess is as good as mine. I don' t know any more than I read in the papers. But the way I figure it, I don' t see how the Japanese, with their lack of coal and steel and oil ... can ever beat a powerfully industrialized national like the United States."
Hayakawa went on, "My remark was admittedly neither original nor well informed." Hundred of radio commentators...were saying much the same thing during those weeks. But just because they were, the remark sounded familiar and was on the right side so that it was easy to agree with."
The Wisconsin man agreed at once with what seemed like genuine relief. His next remark was," Say, I hope your folks aren't over there while the war is going on."
"Yes, they are, " Hayakawa replied. " My father and mother and two young sisters are over there."
"Do you every hear from them? " the man asked.
"How can I?" Hayakawa answered.
Both the man and his wife looked troubled and sympathetic. "Do you mean you won't be able to see them or hear from them until after the war is over?"
There was more to the conversation but the result was, within ten minutes they had invited Hayakawa - whom they initially may have suspected was a Japanese spy - to visit them sometime in their city and have dinner in their home. And all because of this brilliant scholar's admittedly common and unoriginal small talk. Top communicators know the most soothing and appropriate first words should be, like Senator Hayakawa's, unoriginal, even banal.
Ascent from Banality
It is not necessary, of course, to stay with mundane remarks. If you find your company displays cleverness or wit, you match that. The conversation then escalates naturally, compatibly. Don't rush it or, do not come across like you're showing off. The bottom line on your first words is to have the courage of your own triteness. Because, remember, people tune in to your tone more than your text.
Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant. If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint - BLAM - people label you a complainer. Why? Because that complaint is your new acquaintance's 100 percent sampling of you so far. You could be the happiest Pollyanna or Bob ever, but how will they know? If your first comment is a complaint, you're a griper. If your first words are rude, you're a creep. If your first words are unpleasant, you're a stinker. Open and shut, your out.
Other than these downers, anything goes. Ask them where they're from, how they know the host of the party, where they bought the lovely earrings they're wearing - or hundreds of etceteras. the trick is to ask your prosaic question with passion to get the other person talking.
Still feel a bit shaky on making the approach to strangers? Let's take a quick detour on our road to meaningful communicating. I'll give you three quickie techniques to meet people at parties - then nine more to make small talk not so small. whoops, I am out of time, look for it in our up and coming articles. That's all from Leil Lowndes, Ph. D., today check out her books, here is a link Click here.
Some of you may be thinking and saying; "that story has nothing to do with approaching a man or woman and nothing to do with an opening line to the opposite sex. "I will tell you now, if that is what you are thinking; someone has fooled you, thinking you need some kind of magical words to start a conversation with a man or woman and get them very interested in you. Don't worry so much about what to say. Relax and pretend you are approaching a friend and talking to a good friend. Manage your fears. If you can't, contact me for a one on one consult Click Here.
Using Your Body Language, most important conversational skills; make him feel like he is falling in love with this trick read on.
One of our most important conversational skills doesn't come from our tongue, but from our body. Research has shown that over half of face-to-face conversation is nonverbal. "Body language," as it is called, often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, and it projects our level of receptivity to others.
Most poor conversationalist don't realize that their non receptive body language (crossed arms, little eye contact, and no smiling) is often the cause of short and unsustained conversations. We are judged quickly by the first signals we give off, and if the first impressions are not open and friendly, it's going to be difficult to maintain a good conversation. The following "softening" techniques can make your first impressions work for you, not against you.
S - 0 - F- T- E- N
S =Smile
O = Open Arms
F = Forward Lean
T= Touch
E = Eye Contact
N = Nod
A "softener" is a nonverbal gesture that will make men more responsive and receptive to you. Since your body language speaks before you do, it is important to project a receptive image. When you use open body language, you are already sending the signal: "I'm friendly and willing to communicate, if you are." Each letter in S-O-F-T-E-N represents a specific nonverbal technique for encouraging others to talk with you.
A pleasant smile is a strong indication of a friendly and open attitude and a willingness to communicate. It is a receptive, nonverbal signal sent with the hope that the man will smile back. When you smile, you demonstrate that you have noticed the man in a positive manner. The man considers it a compliment and will usually feel good. The result? The man will usually smile back.
Smiling does not mean that you have to put on a phony face or pretend that you are happy all of the time. But when you see a man you know, or would like to make contact with him, do smile. By smiling, you are demonstrating an open attitude to conversation.
The human face sends out an enormous number of verbal and nonverbal signals. If you send out friendly messages you're going to get friendly message back. When you couple a warm smile with a friendly hello, you'll be pleasantly surprised by similar responses. It's the easiest and best way to show a man that you've notice him. A smile indicates general approval toward the man, and this will usually make the man feel more open to talk to you.
A smile shows you are friendly and open to communication. When you frown or wrinkle your brow, you give off signals of skepticism and no receptivity.
The letter E in S-O-F-T-E-N represents eye contact. Perhaps the strongest of the nonverbal gestures are sent through the eyes. Direct eye contact indicates that you are listening to the man, and that you want to know about him. Couple eye contact with a friendly smile, good body language and you'll send this unmistakable message: "I'd like to talk to you, and get to know you better."
It is perfectly okay to have brief periods of eye contact while you observe other parts of the person's face - particularly the mouth. When the person smiles, be sure to smile back, but always make an effort to return your gaze to the person's eyes as he speaks. It's acceptable not to have eye contact at all times.
Too much eye contact can be counterproductive, but not always. If you stare at a person, he may feel uncomfortable and even suspicious about your intentions. A fixed stare can appear as aggressive behavior or with the right body language say I want you as in love or sex. If it takes the form of a challenge as to who will look away first. It is not wise to employ eye contact as a "power struggle" because it will usually result in a negative, defensive response from the other person.
If you have a problem maintaining comfortable eye contact, try these suggestions. Start with short periods of eye contact - maybe only a few seconds. Look into the pupils of the other person's eyes, and smile. Then let your gaze travel over the features of his face, hair, nose, lips, and even earlobes! There is a six-inch diameter around the eyes that can provide a visual pathway. Remember, after a few moments, go back to looking the person right in the eyes. You can look back and forth between both eyes while increasing the amount of time that you experience direct eye contact as the conversation continues.
Avoiding eye contact can make both parties feel anxious and uncomfortable, and can give the impression that you are uninterested, dishonest, or bored with the conversation and the company. The result will usually be a short and unfulfilling conversation. So be sure to look into the eyes of the people you talk with, and send this message: "I hear what you're saying - go on!"
Lets first talk some about the science behind making eye contact. How much eye contact does it take to imitate the feeling of falling in love. Scientist determined that, on average, when couples are talking they look at one another only 30 to 60 percent of the time. This is not enough to make the love chemistry to get a man charged up to attract and make him feel feelings of passion.
Dr. Zick Rubin produced the first psychometrically based scale to determine how much affection couples felt for each other. It is known as the Rubin's Scale.
Dr. Zick Rubin found that people who were deeply in love gaze at each other much more when talking and are slower to look away when someone intrudes in their world.
Dr. Rubin confirmed this through a trick experiment. He asked dating couples a long series of questions so he could first rate the pairs on how much they loved each other. The couples, unaware of their rating, were then put in a room and told, The experimenter will be with you shortly to start the experiment." Unbeknownst to them, that was the experiment. Hidden cameras recorded how much time the couples spent staring into each other's eyes. The higher the couple had scored on the first test, the more time they spent looking at each other. The less love felt for each other, the less time they made eye contact.
To give your Quarry the subliminal sense that the two of you are already in love, dramatically increase your eye contact while the two of you are chatting. Push eye contact up to 75 percent of the time or more if you want to get the passion gushing through his or her veins.
You must look right into his or her eyes if you want to excite those feelings of love. Not at eyebrows, the bridge of the nose, look right into eyes. Look right into the optic nerve behind the eyeballs.
You must make your eyes warm and inviting. Staring into the frigid eyes of a unemotional person does not incite passion. Bedroom eyes Ethnologist have even named it the copulatory gaze. What makes your eyes sexy and inviting? Quite simply large pupils. Here's how to enlarge your pupils to make your eye pools of passion and love. Think about thoughts of sex, passion or love. Do this when you are having conversation. Do not look at anything negative or even think negative thoughts, this will cause your pupils to slap shut.
1. Risk versus rejection. Be the first to say hello.
2. Ritual questions. Ask easy-to-answer questions about the situation or the other person
3. Active listening. Know what to say next by listening carefully for free information.
You really have very little to lose, and a lot to gain. Taking the risk to be the first to say hello isn't such a fearful step. When you take the active role, you are sending this message: "I'm friendly and willing to communicate if you are." Click here to read about the other 5 steps to small talk for women. For Men small talk with women.
Ritual questions can be used to break the ice with a man you don't know and wish to speak to. The easiest way to start a conversation with a man is to employ one of the three following openings. First, notice something interesting about the man you wish to speak with and, in a friendly and sincere manner, offer a compliment. Quickly follow the compliment with a ritual questions that is directly related to the compliment you just gave. The "opening line" might be: "That's a beautiful ring you're wearing! What kind of stone is it?" or "Say, you're a terrific skater! How did you learn to do all those tricks?"
The 15 Steps For Meeting and Attracting Men.
For the women questions to ask men click here
Learn How to Compliment a Man the Right Way and
He Will Be Like a Puppet Under Your Control.
How to Seduce a Woman With Your Eyes.
At a horse race: "Who do you think will win?" Why do you say that?"
"Why do you think he will win?"
In line for a movie: "What have you heard
about this movie?" "What made
you decide to see it?"
To a neighbor:
"Your lawn is so green. What is your secret?" "What's that
you are working on?"
At a laundromat: "How much detergent do
you need with these machines?"
Talking About The Other Person Most people
like to talk about themselves and will be pleased to respond to
your questions or comments. Start by doing this; observe
what the other person is doing, wearing, saying, or reading.
To see a list of a lot more questions for men asking women click here.
For the women ask men
these questions click here.
I dine at a
local restaurant where I often see a woman or man who
usually eats alone. How can I ask if she or he wants to join
me for dinner and then get their phone number? "Mind if I join you?"
Only about 20 percent of the people will decline, and they will
usually apologize, saying they are expecting a friend or have
lots of work to do. 80% of the time it works.
More information For
Men
For Women
Open-ended questions are like essay questions in that they promote answers of more
than a word or two. They ask for explanations and elaborations,
while showing your conversational partners (much to their delight!)
that you are so interested in what they have said that you want to know more.
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on your first date and her or his reaction to your first question. Over 150
articles that will make sure you have a first and next date.
One of our most
important conversational skills doesn't come from our tongue, but from our body. Research
has shown that over half of face-to-face conversation is nonverbal. "Body language," as it is
called, often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, and it projects our
level of receptivity to others.
A simple thought can make all the differance between getting a phone
number and next date or not. A few micromilliwatts of energy
flowing through our brain. A seemingly innocuous, almost ephemeral
event. And yet, a thought - or, more accurately a carefully orchestrated
series of thoughts - has a significant impact on our mind, our body, and
our emotions. So make it a good one. The percentage of women who have agreed to a
date because they like the car or truck that a man drives: 7.7%. The
percentage of men that are wrong, about a woman's wants and needs, over 77%. The
percentage of woman that agreed to date because you look confident and are
confident, are a great
dresser, have a great smile and look very healthy 60%. And if you add saying the
right thing at the right time 92%.
Did you know that the greatest seducer in history was
many times jobless? He was not good looking, was not tall, had an ugly nose and was losing his hair.
But, he knew the secrets that unlock a womans heart in spite of an unremarkable mug, no below
average man is more renowned for his power over women than Giacomo Casanova. A truth about men: Men are totally
okay with being a piece of meat. Compliment men about their eyes,
smile, biceps or other body parts. True intimacy is not just about doing anything
you dream about in bed and knowing it will be okay with your partner.
Intimacy involves a special feeling of comfort and awareness between you and
your lover; you feel closer to each other than you do to anyone else. This
doesn't mean you will never have difficult times, but intimacy will help you
deal with dilemmas.
The free dating advice
you will find on this site, is backed by the best research in the world. Let us look at a small list of social
scientists that do research on how to attract the opposite sex and on good and
bad sex, their findings support my free dating advice. Social Psychologists and
Anthropologists, like Dr. Helen Fisher, Dr. Zick Rubin, Dr. Eckhard Hess, Dr.
Joy Browne, Dr. David Givens, Dr. Emily Nagoski, Dr. Debby Herbenick at the
Kinsey Institute, Lauren Slade founder of the Universal College of Reflexology,
Kerry Grow, sex therapist, and many more.
At www.a1datingadvice.com we feel it is extremely important to
first teach singles the skills to attract and be very successful
with the opposite sex. The reason is clear to us; you can
have many dates and not be successful, without the right skills.
You can be successful, with the one you want, the first time and
most every time. If you are armed with the right
skills and knowledge.
All models were 18
or older at the time the photos or videos were taken. 1988-2012
This is funny, Two Girls In The Shower
click here and watch this video.
The 15 Steps For Meeting and Attracting Men.
How to Seduce a Woman With Your Eyes.
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often. Is that normal?
He gave me his number. When should I call?
He says
he's not ready for a relationship. Will he change his mind?
What color do men find most arousing in women's clothing?
What color attracts men?
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how should I say I love you to a man. What Makes A Man Fall In
Love.
For
Men FREE Online Dating AdviceFor
Women FREE Online Dating Tips.Relationship questions answered weekly. Over 100
relationship questions answered. Ask your question.
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Learn How to Compliment a Man the Right Way and
He Will Be Like a Puppet Under Your Control.
Why do many men bolt when women say I love you? When and
how should I say I love you to a man. What Makes A Man Fall In
Love.