Small Talk, What to Say to a Man When You First Meet Him.
The Right Thing to Say at the Right Time Part 2.
Breaking the Ice and Getting the Conversation Going. This is going to be a series of articles so come back and check for new articles.
There are five basic steps in starting a conversation, which don't always occur in this order. Establish eye contact and smile, then follow this procedure.
1. Risk versus rejection. Be the first to say hello.
2. Ritual questions. Ask easy-to-answer questions about the situation or the other person.
3. Active listening. Know what to say next by listening carefully for free information.
4. Seek information. Ask information-seeking follow-up questions based on free information you've just heard.
5. Self-disclosure. Reveal plenty of your free information while asking questions that may interest you personally.
Risk Versus Rejection.
It takes a certain amount of risk to begin a conversation with a stranger. Most shy people don't start conversations because they fear being rejected. Of course, this prevents them from reaching out to others. Remember that risk taking and rejection are part of life, and to be overly sensitive is counterproductive. And, anyway, what's so bad about being rejected by someone you don't even know?
Change from Passive to Active.
Most shy people take the passive role when it comes to starting conversations. They wait and wait and wait, hoping someone will come along and start a conversation with them. If there are two shy people together, they're both waiting, both taking the passive role. If someone else by chance does start talking, the shy person is often so surprised, she doesn't know what to say.
To get out of this "Catch-22," consciously change from the passive to the active role. Be the first to say hello and take the initiative to begin the conversation. Introduce yourself to people regularly and begin to share your ideas, feelings, opinions, and experiences. Look for familiar faces, and after saying hello, seek out other people's thoughts, views, interests, and knowledge. By initiating conversations, you'll get more positive responses, and your fear of rejection will lessen. In this way your risk taking can pay off in making new contacts and having more meaningful conversation.
Another advantage of being the first to say hello is that it gives you the opportunity to guide the direction of the conversation, and gives the other person the impression that you are confident, friendly, and open. You are also complimenting the other person by showing a desire to start a conversation with him.
Minimize Rejections -- Look for Receptivity.
The more you practice starting conversations, the better responses you will get. But, of course, there are going to be some rejections too. No one receives unanimous approval, so when you do get rejected, don't dwell on it. Instead, use it as a lesson and adjust your approach for the next time.
The best way to minimize rejection is to look for receptivity in those you approach. Try to be sensitive to "where others are at." Look for open arms, eye contact, and a smile. Look for people who are sending receptive signals through their body language, and when you feel the time is right, approach them in a friendly and direct way. For example, if you are at a party or dance, and would like to ask someone for a dance, then look to those who either are dancing or look like they want to dance. Wait for a new song to start playing, and then take the risk. Move closer to the person and establish eye contact, smile, and ask the person for a dance. Chances are he will feel flattered that you have noticed him and hopefully will accept it gracefully with a smile (like water off a duck's back), and ask someone else. Keep asking and you're bound to get an acceptance. The more you ask, the better you'll get at picking out people who will respond the way you want them to.
How to Accept Rejections.
If you have been rejected many times in your life, then one more rejection isn't going to make much difference. If you're rejected, don't automatically assume it's your fault. The other person may have several reasons for not doing what you are asking him to do; none of it may have anything to do with you. Perhaps the person is busy or not feeling well or genuinely not interested in spending time with you. Rejections are a part of everyday life. Don't let them keep you from reaching out to others. When you begin to get encouraging responses, then you are on the right track. It's all a matter of numbers. Count the positive responses, then you are on the right track. it's all a matter of numbers. Count the positive responses and forget about the rejections.
This simple philosophy can help people who fear rejection. If you have only taken a few social risks and have been rejected once or twice, then those rejections loom very large in your life. If, on the other hand, you take more risks, and start conversations, you will receive a mixture of open and closed responses, and each rejection will become less and less meaningful. Focus on the positive response nod you will get better at choosing receptive people.
You really have very little to lose, and a lot to gain. Taking the risk to be the first to say hello isn't such a fearful step. When you take the active role, you are sending this message: "I'm friendly and willing to communicate if you are."Click Here. Small Talk With a Man. The Right Thing to Say at The Right Time Part 3.
Open-ended questions are like essay questions in that they promote answers of more than a word or two. They ask for explanations and elaborations, while showing your conversational partners (much to their delight!) that you are so interested in what they have said that you want to know more.
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