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Explaining The Male Mind 2
Read Part 1, go back and read this first. Click Here.
Tips to Get a Man to Listen and Say Yes.
The explanations
you're about to hear will bring a whole new level of understanding to your
relationship or give you a better chance at having a relationship.
When a guy looks you
in the boob instead of the eye during a conversation, he's not necessarily
being rude. It's simply his natural instinct taking over. According to Dr. Brizendine, 85 percent of 20- to 30-year old males think about sex every
couple of hours, while a randy thought creeps into a woman's brain about
once a day.
Women think
about
Men think about
sex daily.
it incessantly.
Men have more naughty thoughts because they have more room to house them. "Guys have twice as much brain space devoted to sexual feelings," says Dr. Amen. They also have 10 to 100 times more testosterone, the hormone that fuels the brain's sexual motor.
Women cheat for
Men cheat for
the connection.
the thrill.
Neither gender has amoral leg up on the other, and we both have the same mental plumbing: a limbic system, which is the brain's emotional and sexual engine, and a frontal lobe, which puts the brakes on it. The mitigating factor is the extra testosterone guys have, which makes them more impulsive and less likely to consider the consequences of an affair. Also factoring into the equation: Men's minds are less active (women are constantly thinking), so they're always seeking excitement, says Dr. Amen.
Women philander when they feel the bond with their partner has been broken because, yep, they have more of the bonding hormone oxytocin. "That's why they tend to opt for long-term affairs over one-night stands," says Steven E. Rhoads, PhD, author of Taking Sex Differences Seriously.
Women can quickly tell
Men don't pick up on
if someone's upset.
sadness as easily.
Men ask women "What's wrong?" about as often as they inquire "Did you just get a haircut, honey?" That's to say, rarely. It's not because they don't care -- they're just not always good at picking up on others' emotional distress. Women are much better at reading social cues, facial expressions, and body language.
There are two main reason for this. First, the area of the brain in charge of gut feelings, called in insula, is larger and more active in females--hence, female intuition. So too are the mind's mirror neurons. "The mirror neurons' job is to reflect someone's hand gestures, body postures, and facial expressions unconsciously," says Dr. Brizendine. This enables us to empathize more quickly.
As dramatic as it sounds, if you really want your man to know you're upset, shed a few tears. Scientists speculate that women evolved to sob four times more frequently than men because crying was the only sign of distress that actually caught a dude's attention.
Women are tuned in to
Men don't recognize
relationship problems.
issues as readily.
The same brain activity that tips us off when someone's bummed also clues us in when there are problems in our relationships. Every time your guy avoids looking you in the eye or uses a dismissive tone of voice when talking to you, it sets off a siren in your brain, kicking into motion a flood of negative hormonal reactions. "Eventually, most women reach a point where they can't stand it anymore," says Dr. Amen. "Perhaps that's why 75 percent of divorces are initiated by women."
3 Tips to Get a Man to Listen:
Use fewer words.
Don't become emotional.
Get to the point quickly.
Even when men do finally recognize that something is amiss, they'll hang in there longer and try to find a way to fix it. It boils down to the fact that women have more connectivity between their right (emotional) and left (analytical) brain. "Women think in emotional terms and worry more, while men, who are more left-brained, are more optimistic," says Dr. Amen.
Women find problems
Men are more rational
where none exist.
Though women are more tuned in to trouble in paradise, we also tend to find problems when there are none. There's a simple explanation. "The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is the worrywart center, is larger and more easily activated in women," says Dr. Brizendine. And since we have more activity in the emotional centers of the brain, we read negativity into things more often. Basically, female brains were built to anticipate and spot danger so women could fiercely defend their babies.
Great for protecting little ones, not so great for navigating sticky modern-day romantic situations. Our ACC can sometimes pull a fast one on us, causing us to overreact when he doesn't call for 24 hours or has dinner with his best gal pal. Brain scans show that women's brains activate more than men's in anticipation of fear or pain, and women find it harder than men to suppress their fear response (which explains why men tend to be braver).
Food for thought: if you know your mind makes you freak out unnecessarily, you can try to talk yourself out of irrational thoughts.
Women know they're
Men don't realize they're
lost immediately.
lost for a long time.
Even more gas-guzzling than SUVs are men who drive around aimlessly, refusing to ask for directions. Since men have less access to the right (emotional) hemisphere, which allows one to see the big picture, it takes them longer to reach that "Where the hell are we?" point. Their problem-solving nature keeps them glued to the map instead of stepping back and realizing they're lost. (They read maps better too.)
To some degree, guys also don't think they're lost because it doesn't happen to them as often. "Brain scans show that men have a better sense of direction because they have better spatial skills," says Pease.
Women express
their
Men act like nothing's wrong.
heartache after a spill.
Post breakup, most women are in melt-down mode. There's lots of crying, plenty of nose blowing, and heaps of ice cream. Men carry on with business as usual no matter how many pieces their hearts have been smashed into.
Fair or not, we unravel in sad situations because we release more oxytocin. So when we lose someone we're attached to, we feel it more than men do. "A breakup causes our brains feel-good neurochemicals - dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin - to plummet, says Dr. Brizendine. If it's any consolation, men do feel sadness after a romance ends...just not as much. Also, since they have less access to the emotional side of their brains, their rational side takes over.
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